My Testimony part 3

I first wrote this as a testimony sermon in my firs year at Cliff College the passages I used were John 11 and the passage from Isaiah shown below. I've never figured out a better way to write it so I see no reason not to re-use it.

This is the story of my hospital experiences from five years ago, the things that disturbed me when I was unable to sleep, and what happened in the times following. I would think about Isaiah 40:30-31:

"Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength: They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." (Isaiah 40:30-31)

which was my baptism verse, received even before I knew I was having the operation, however it didn’t seem to work, and when I did sleep I had nightmares because of the effects all the drugs were having on me. Where was the Glory of God in this? This sickness will not end in death I was told but at times I wished it would!!!

While I was in hospital I would lie in bed look down and all I would see is a massive hole through my left leg. I had an external pacemaker hanging out of my chest with Duracell batteries attached to it. When I woke up all I would hear was the sound of the machine beeping telling everyone that my heart was still beating and the sound of the respirator doing my breathing for me. (I still sometimes hear these noises when I wake up in the morning and I have to get out of bed and look around to make sure I'm not in hospital) where was the Glory of God in this?

I remember constantly coughing up blood clots, I had a tube in my chest to drain away all the fluid in my lungs, I couldn't eat food or swallow water I had to suck water off sponges and I have a memory of having to be defibulated while I was still awake because my heart had stopped! My physiotherapy consisted of being able to sit upright in a chair for as long as possible, I couldn't sit up straight without someone holding me up and when I did have the strength to walk I had to use a Zimmer frame.Where was the Glory of God in this?

If you read the Book of Psalms there are so many accounts of David calling out to the Lord and complaining; however despite his sorrow he was still able to see the Glory of God and write about it. Even in his moaning he was able to talk of the glory of God. He maybe didn't describe it as such but it's easy to see that he was able to see God working. It can be easy to miss the good and focus on all that is bad. I know I praise God when all is well but when things seem to be going against me I complain at him.

There is so much more of the bad stuff I could talk about BUT because at the time that is what I focused on I failed to see where the Glory of God was. I was expecting what always happens with me to happen. I was expecting a miraculous healing demonstrating to the doctors and the nurses the immense power and glory of God. Because of this I missed what God was trying to show me.

Looking back it's easier to see. Gods' glory was revealed through the strangers from the church across the road from the hospital who came to see me. It was in the Chief executive of Norwich Union who let my parents use his house to stay in so they didn't have to travel in and out of London everyday. This guy who when he planned a formal dinner would invite Tony Blair, came to my bed to sit and talk with me and joke with me. This is where Gods Glory was!!

It was in the hospital Chaplin who everyday would come and pray for me and read the bible to me. It was in all the cards I received from friends and all the churches in the circuit and the others that I had been to in the past, but also in the cards I received from complete strangers who had somehow heard about me. There was not one day except possibly Sunday when the post isn't delivered that I did not receive a card.This is where the Glory of God was!!

But I didn't see it!! I was too angry to see it and I stayed that way for almost a year. My response to this anger was to go down to the pub I wasn't there every night but I was generally down there 3 or 4 times a week and I would never leave sober. One night I drank an entire bottle of whisky!

It wasn't until I got my canoe that things changed. It was very strange because as soon as I got out on the water everything seemed to fade into the background. All I saw was blue seas and blue skies and the sun would reflect off the water and everything was just calm and as I looked around I couldn't help but see the glory of God. Even on a stormy day it was good because the waves would be crashing around me and I'd be getting soaked but beauty in the colour of the sea and the clouds. In the same way I would canoe into the sun I'd canoe against the wind and the canoe would launch up off the water and nose dive into the wave and water would spray all over me, and in this I felt completely surrounded by God.

In the psalm it is easy to relate with the author, because God is glory and God is everywhere and in everything. However it can be so subtle that we don't notice it. This is show in the gospels he didn't arrive as a conquering hero he arrived as a man. He preached and healed people and constantly did miracles which demonstrated the glory of God but his full glory was show through his death and resurrection. Although it is sometimes hard to see God working through all the hard work and pain of life the one place it can always be seen is in Jesus.

Ever since the summer I got the canoe and focused back on photography I've sensed God's presence. I believe that in every photo I take I am capturing the smallest amount of the glory of God.

My Testimony part 2

When I was in hospital as a child my parents where given a passage of scripture as a promise from God about my life, this passage was John 11:4 which states, "This Sickness will not end in death. It is for the Glory of God to bring Glory to the Son of God." It is a promise that I has always stuck with me and because of it whenever I went into hospital for a check up or for any small operation I knew I would be fine and that through me being there I would bring glory to God.

In 2003 my family moved to Downham Market in Norfolk, it was the first time I'd lived in a place where I had Christian friends who were around the same age as me and it was the first time I had been part of a youth group that did a regular bible study. As a result of this my faith and confidence in God flourished and for a time everything was brilliant. Then I had a dream; in this dream I saw a shadow move along the ceiling in my room and hover over my bed. then the shadow formed the shape of a knife and stabbed me in my heart. In the dream I fell out of my bed in pain and called on God for help and at that moment a great light that encompassed everything entered and the shadow fled I then felt myself being lifted up and held until I was reassured that I was fine. Over the next few weeks I began to feel tired and the walk to college which I used to manage fine would now take me several hours to recover from. I was taken into hospital several times and eventually moved to my usual hospital in London which specialises in heart diseases. I was the diagnosed as having an area of diseased heart muscle which was affecting the conductivity and stopping the electrical signals which tells the heart when to beat and how fast. This meant that my heart would enter irregular rhythms where my heart would be beating at around 120-180 beats a minute and I wouldn't notice. When it did this it could last for days at a time and then just cut out and return to normal and the only symptom I had from this was tiredness.

Several months after being diagnosed I went to Spring Harvest with my family and over the course of the weekend I made several friends and they along with other people prayed for me, then after Spring Harvest probably about 2 or 3 months later I had a procedure called a catheter oblation where the doctors burnt across the diseased tissue in an attempt to stop the irregular rhythms. It worked and I recovered twice as fast as they expected so they decided to move an operation called a Total Cardio-Pulmonary Conversion (it was one I was scheduled to have already) forward by a year. So in August 2005 I had the operation. When the surgeons opened me up they we're expecting an 8 hour long operation instead they ended up doing a 13 hour long one. It turned out that my heart had swollen and expanded and that the outside of the heart muscle had scar tissue which meant that it was sticky and because of this my heart had become so it was stuck to my sternum. If the operation had not been moved forward from August 2006 to 2005 then in January or February 2006 I would have died. However because of the prayer I had received which then caused me to recover as quickly as I did, God was faithful to His promise.

To be continued when I can figure out how to write the next bit!

A Memorable Trip To Hospital

Yesterday I went into hospital, however it was not for me this time. I had decided to go into York with my mum yesterday so that I could go to the HMV store there to trade in some of my old games, but before that she had a hospital visit she had to do. We were there visiting a member from my mums Church called Hazel. When we found where she was and went into the area she was in we almost couldn't see her.

Hazel is 92 years old and very frail, she is very soft spoken but very articulate, more importantly she is also very lonely. The reason she was curled up in a ball pretending to sleep is because during the normal visiting hours her friends and family are unable to come because of work. However this week my mum had turned up. When she realised who my mum was and that she had come to visit her she nearly started crying. I then introduced myself although I was a little unsure what to do next so I just stood and smiled at her whilst I listened to her as she told her story. She told us what her favourite foods were and that when she was young she used to play cricket and other various sports but the most surprising thing we learnt was that she used to be a solo glider pilot. When she had finished telling us her life story and when visiting time had finished we prayed for her and promised to return next week and bring communion with us so that we can share in it with her. When we left she was crying so my mum gave her a hug and then we had to leave.

It is important for me to remember this because when I went in all I saw was a frail old lady, but God knew her. Where I was surprised to hear about her exploits as a glider pilot God already knew and was pleased (maybe too weak a word I don't know). I believe in a personal God who is interested in people their stories even if He already knows them. One of the problems I have with some forms of evangelism is that we treat it as if its about getting people through the doors of our church and it becomes a game of counting the lost souls you've saved that week, month or year. In my opinion filling churches is overrated. I believe that to be Christlike means that we have to value the people which means sitting and listening to their stories and taking an active interest in their lives and their well being. Even if this means all we do is sit and listen and smile. I'm not saying we shouldn't share the Gospel with people only that we should rethink the way we live and express it.

My Testimony

I am new to blogging so I have been stuck on where to start. However after very little deliberation I have decided to share my story of faith so far.

I became a Christian on the 18th of October 1997 (it says so in my Bible and who am I to question the word of God?). I was 11 years old and refused to go to Sunday school so I sat through the service and ignored the preacher whist I read my Bible I can't remember what I was reading only that it had a strange affect on me which was that by the time I had finished reading the preacher then made an altar call for those who wanted to come and receive the Holy Spirit and have a relationship with God so I went forward. That was the day I started to identify myself as a Christian That's a very simple nice story about how God worked in my heart over the course of an hour to bring me to a place where I can accept Him as my God and live happily ever after.

If we rewind the story by 11 years I was born with a congenital heart condition I had several operations which culminated in one massive operation when I was 2. After that operation I spent along time in hospital and for a while my heart was so swollen from the operation that my rib cage had to be left open. whilst I was recovering my heart stopped beating and the doctors resuscitated me and then it stopped again, and again and again, then the doctors refused to resuscitate me and my heart stopped again. This time some of my parents friends from our old church came in and prayed for me and my heart started up again. From then on there were few problems with my heart. It is also important to note that also from then on I always had some knowledge or belief in God, I always felt and knew that God existed and loved me. This is what led me at the age of 11 to embark on what I now see as a journey of faith into a relationship with the Living God.

I am only 24 but already I feel as if the journey has been too hard and at times too long it has taken me many places most of which I didn't want to go to with the exception of Cliff College. I feel like here is where this post should end but I shall be writing another 2 posts very soon exploring two of the places my journey has taken me so far. Until then I will finish with the passage I was given at my baptism Isaiah 40:28-31

"...[T]he Lord is the God who lives forever, who created the world. He does not become tired or need to rest. No one can understand how great His wisdom is. He gives strength to those who are tired and more power to those who are weak. Even children become tired and need to rest, and young people trip and fall. But the people who trust in the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up like an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired."